Today, July 4th, I would like to say thank you America and happy birthday. I’m grateful to be back in my homeland and I’m proud to be a citizen.
Of course, I’m happy to be near my friends and family again. And I’m all giddy about the freedom and opportunities this fine country has given me. Oh, and that “no taxation without representation,” that’s a good one.
But today America, I thank you for not subjecting me to this:
Hot Dogs in a jar.Yes, I give you hot dogs in a jar. And please note, they are “American” hot dogs. This is what was on offer in the UK. In a jar? Really? I don’t think so.
For my second exhibit, I give you:
Macaroni & Cheese in a can.Yep, that’s macaroni and cheese in a can. I have never missed a blue box so much.
So, thank you America. I love you and your hot dogs that plump when you cook them and the cheesiest mac and cheese in a blue box. Oh, how I have missed you.
Did I mention that there isn’t any good Mexican food in the UK? There isn’t even bad Mexican food to be found, no Taco Bell. Actually, rumor has it that there is a Taco Bell in the UK. It’s on an American Armed Forces base. That didn’t help me at all.
How did I survive such travesties? Suitcases full of ranch dressing, onion soup mix, Cheetos, and Fritos helped. I can also now cook some pretty damn good Mexican food and homemade macaroni and cheese. I must say my guacamole is pretty outstanding. Those hot dogs, however, I just stayed away from.
I must give a big shout out to Britain. Thank you for challenging me and my taste buds. I probably wouldn’t have taught myself how to cook my comfort foods if you didn’t offer the appalling options mentioned above. But, hey, your cheese is amazing; I’ll give you that.
Happy Independence Day to all my American friends! Enjoy your BBQ's and be thankful that your hot dogs don't come from a jar.